sweet refrain

*via love bot

“ You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even

months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces

together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened—

or you can just leave the pieces on the floor

and move on. ”
— Tupac Shakur

*via quote book

2008: the year that was.

Well there are only about 16 days left of 2008, so I thought it was about time to write up my summary of the year. You all know how much I like analysis! So, here it is.

2008: the year that was.

This has been an incredible year for me. I feel like I have grown and changed so much and become more me than ever before. Some highlights:

-saw some awesome live music -including: howie day, emiliana torrini, lior, whitley, the basics, sparkadia and simon phillips.

-found new art i love by ghostpatrol & miso.

-went down the spiritual path of buddhism and recieved teachings by the dalai lama in sydney.

-welcomed some new wonderful people into my world who have made my life so fulfilling and so much fun.

-rocked at my new fashion job and took the step of living alone in my apartment closer to the city.

-went to some amazingly funny comedy fest shows and got up on stage with jason byrne.

It seems like so much longer than a year!! I am really proud of myself and how far I have come. Here's to an even better 2009!

Inspire.

"A picture can paint a thousand words."

This is how I feel.

the boulder

There was once a man who was very strong and kind. He tried to help others when he could and always stayed true to himself. One day he was walking down the road he travelled down every day and came across a huge boulder strewn across the path, blocking his way. He couldnt go any further. He didnt want to go back and he couldnt climb under it. There was no way he could climb over it, he was feeling so disturbed! He sat on the ground and wished it would go away. When he opened his eyes it was still there. He pushed it but it didnt move an inch. It was no use!! He waited for hours but nothing changed and he was getting mighty hungry. Just then a wise old man wandered past "what is the problem?" he asked. "There is a HUGE boulder blocking my way. It is way too big to climb over and I cant get under it or past it -there is NOTHING I can do." The wise man smiled and asked "have you tried stepping back and looking at it from every angle?" The man laughed and thought this was a stupid idea, but didnt want to offend the old man, so he tried it. When he stood back and really looked at the boulder he realised that it wasnt really that scary or big and it seemed to grow smaller and smaller the longer he assessed it. So he stood back, got a run up and jumped over it. It goes to prove that when we fear something we dont see it properly and cant get a proper analysis unless we stand back and really look at it. The results are sometimes astounding.

Inside my mind.

It's a scary place. Ya know I wish that everyone had a blog like this so I could figure out what they were thinking and the motives behind their actions/words. It's kinda strange to think that people reading this have a glimpse beneath my disguise. Or is this blog my disguise? Ha.

Anyway, back to my mind. I'm just coming to realise that I have issues. I dont think that they are new issues, its just that maybe I was blind to them before. Or maybe I didnt care. Either way, it doesnt matter now. So whats the problem? In certain areas of my life I tend to overreact at situations that arise and some may say I have a fondness for the dramatic. There isnt a problem until something hits me from left of field and attempts to change a well thought out opinion that I have on a matter. Like the simon phillips thing, for example. I dont make opinions lightly, I spend ages analysing things from every possible angle before I commit. I turn them inside out, I drop them from great height and then, just to be sure, I jump on them. If they still make sense then I adopt them as my own and add them to my collection. Naturally I just expect that most people will see how much effort went into it and how well thought out the opinions are and agree with my view. But sometimes they dont. And sometimes things happen that force me to change my opinion... and you can guarantee that once it changes it would take an earthquake to move again. However, this is where it gets interesting, I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Further more - if you have also put a lot of investigation into your view from various sources and as indepth as I would then I welcome discussion about it. But people who arent even open to one ounce of the possibility of change annoy me. I try not to be one of them.

At times I am fighting a battle to keep hold of my senses. As an air sign, sometimes it can get the better of me and I fly off on some adventure or on some random tangent. It all makes sense to me, but others dont understand it. I need time to withdraw and work it all out in my head. And once I do that everything is usually fine. I always need to find the reason behind things. When I cant understand where something has come from or why something happened it drives me crazy. I dont just want to see the result, I want to see what you did in the last 5 years to get to that result. I wish I had all the answers.

untitled

I had a thought recently. Bit of a shock really. *boom tish* But seriously though, I had several thoughts.. an indepth analysis even. The topic of my musings was the past. Not the past in general but your own individual past. The sum of everything you have been through, said and done. Everyone you have met and the people/things that changed your life. For the first time in my life I dont want to look back. I dont have to look back to know how I got to where I am. I know it instinctively. Maybe its the fact that I finally get it. I understand why I had to go through all that crap. Somehow I know that if my world hadnt been turned around so much I wouldnt be where I am. The things I did... the friendships that I thought would last forever... I see why they have all faded into dust. I know that I have to let go completely to feel this freedom. And yet I'm still not quite there, because I am hanging onto this shred of insecurity. Maybe somehow by admitting that- I am a step closer to where I want to be. Or maybe I am exactly where I am meant to be and I should focus on this very moment.