Observations

Some people take things too seriously. They think that everything is a huge deal. They stress too much and complain and make life harder - not only for themselves but also for everyone else around them. These people used to annoy me a lot more than they do now. I still have my moments though. But generally as my compassion has increased I have tried to see things from their point of view. I have started to look into their lives. Maybe they are rude and abrupt because they are in a hurry to get home to look after their sick child. Or maybe they just received a huge bill and they cant afford it and so are taking it out on me. Sometimes people see my laid back nature as me not caring about things. I do care. Sometimes I care too deeply, infact.

Opening up the world of Buddhism has helped me in many ways. It has given me a unique perspective on certain situations and it has felt like home. I am currently reading 'Stages of meditation' by the Dalai Lama. I'm up to page 50 and so far there hasnt actually been anything on meditation. It is quite indepth and interesting though, and it is taking me a while to absorb. But it is the recommended reading before attending the Sydney talks, so I'm hanging in there.

I dont know all the answers and I would never claim to. I do know that when I am lost it helps to talk to someone, and that we are not alone in our struggles. If you sat 50 people down and asked them about their lives and their childhoods I can guarantee that the majority of them will have had regrets. Maybe they got bullied at school. Maybe they never had a father growing up. Maybe they never really had any friends. Or maybe a hundred other situations. There comes a time when you realise that yeah maybe life was pretty crappy, but I am grateful for what I did have, and its time to put all that stuff in the past and stop using it as an excuse for not moving on.

I'm of the mind that everything I went through has led me to where I am today - and I wouldnt change that for anything. All the pain and tears and loss of hope had a purpose. They were lessons I was meant to learn and by going through that I have grown. Now I can honestly say that on the whole I am happy and content. Yeah, there are certain things that I would have liked to have done or had by now but I realise that none of that has any real bearing on my happiness. And THAT is the key.